Here Comes the Sun
Bay Area, California
17 Years old
Senior
This tumblr is just a personal blog. nothing fancy. just my own personal thoughts and life.
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Part of the List- Ne-Yo
They’re all apart of the list. The things that I miss!
the song of the night, y’all.
Even though i hate you at the utmost possibility right now, you’re still the only person i want to talk to. Too bad things went down the way they did, so i don’t know whats right and whats wrong anymore. I’m so lost in my head right now. I’m tired, upset, scared, and angry. This just makes for a terrible day. All i know is that i need you right now, but i also needed you then. same shit, different day, i guess?
a rock and a hard place. i don’t want to be selfish right now so i’m trying my best to balance everything on broken shoulders. after much thinking, the sacrificing wouldn’t be giving something up, but trying to go the extra mile to keep something up. and that is exactly what the game plan is right now.
Things are already starting to get too hectic for me. scheduling and ordering and doing things right; its all starting to hit me at the same time. along with the fact, that i feel like my parents are pushing me in two separate directions way too much. They just don’t understand, but they just want to do what they think is best as well, so i wouldn’t blame them, i just wish things were different. it’s also quite a downer how my parents seem so busy now a days, it’s like im doing everything by myself. frustrated. but i will not lose my faith, especially now. fortitude.
I know i don’t want to do it, i know its burdening to not only me, but “i have to do what i have to do”. Its a weird feeling, though:starting over right where you began.hmph, actually, its not a weird feeling, its a terrible feeling. i know that through this choice, things will get hectic, and things will have to change. I’m going to have to make sacrifices, some of which will affect more than just me. i know as hard as i will try to steer past things like that, some things are inevitable. As selfish as it sounds, i really do just need to do whats best for me right now.
i’ve been avoiding this whole decision making ordeal for almost a full week now. I know that i need to make a decision soon, but i honestly just don’t want to. i know that no matter what i choose to do, my life will change. err, i hate all of this. as much as i want someone else to step in and make this decision for me, i know that ultimately it is all up to me. thats just the reality of things, i guess. people keep telling me to “just think about it”, but no matter how much i just think about it, my mind is still having trouble grasping the situation at all. i know what’s best for me, but i’m still not sure if it’s what i really want. i can’t avoid this forever. hmph
